'Hope never dies but expectations does'

I have this recurring dream that I am in a home (mind it home not a house) there is a felling of comfort here as if every thing has been created by me. Its 7:30 in the morning I am still in my bed tossing and turning struggling to get up. Then I turn to see that familiar face next to me." My angel my life". Then I hear someone screaming it was me some one was destroying my creation. I find my self bleeding some one has stabbed me (I explicitly remember being stabbed towards the left of my stomach). Every thing is hazy there is blood all around me and my angle has disappeared. I wake up to see my self alone in my room the coziness is gone. I feel alienated in my own house. Why is that if every thing has ended I still have a hope a hope to make a new beginning when I know there can be none for me? I can’t run from my past, I am strong now I can face it. I can still feel the pain the pain of being stabbed. This hope left I know is impractical I need to kill it before it drives me towards insanity. I never was greedy was satisfied with the little I had then why was even that little taken away from me. I don’t repent loving but I do repent the rest. Since love happens once the rest is living ……………. hence I am living now.